In The Year One of Our Messiah, in The Nation Formerly Known as America, we have open borders for pandemics; however, under orders of Minister of Propaganda David Axelrod, and his deputy ministers, David Letterman, Jon David Stewart, and David Brooks, we quarantine jokes.
I must be some sort of pervert; I support quarantines for pandemics, but open borders for jokes. The following is my contribution to breaking the comedy blockade. If you don’t like it, do better!
The Top Ten List of Things to Know about President-for-Life Barack Obama
10. Black politicians have larger teleprompters than white politicians.
9. The New York Times is going to write a bill making it a hate crime to criticize President-for-Life Obama, just as soon as its bailout check clears.
8. Those federal tax refunds? Paid out in Monopoly money.
7. Be careful what you say about his wife: She has bigger shoulders than you do!
6. Don’t speak Austrian? That’s ok, neither does he!
5. He will be having Congress pass a law officially declaring that America has 60 states.
4. Jokes making fun of the President will be permitted, just as soon as Barack and presidents-for-life-in-waiting Michelle, Sasha, and Malia and their descendants are all dead.
3. A black guy, a white guy, and an Asian guy walk into a bar—hey, that’s not funny!
2. David Letterman is his b---h!
1. (This joke has been confiscated by the Obama Cabinet Secretary of Diversity.)
Award-winning, New York-based freelancer Nicholas Stix founded A Different Drummer magazine (1989-93). Stix has written for Die Suedwest Presse, New York Daily News, New York Post, Newsday, Middle American News, Toogood Reports, Insight, Chronicles, the American Enterprise, Campus Reports, VDARE, the Weekly Standard, Front Page Magazine, Ideas on Liberty, National Review Online and the Illinois Leader. His column also appears at Men's News Daily, MichNews, Intellectual Conservative, Enter Stage Right and OpinioNet. Stix has studied at colleges and universities on two continents, and earned a couple of sheepskins, but he asks that the reader not hold that against him. His day jobs have included washing pots, building Daimler-Benzes on the assembly-line, tackling shoplifters and teaching college, but his favorite job was changing his son's diapers.
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