Amidst the still-raging
acrimonious and often
comical but seemingly
never-ending controversy over Hillary Clinton's refusal to authorize public
access to all archives in the Clinton
Library (also known as the Clinton Presidential Center), the unauthorized release of
the first drafts of her
and Bill's memoirs by the archivist
at the Clinton Liebrary are generating
political shock-waves. (Use video box to the left to view the video.) One of the most unusual things about those drafts is that on
instructions from their first prospective publisher, the Clintons wrote them in the form of poetry
rather than prose with each of them writing alternating stanzas. Bill wanted the title to be
"The Billary/Hillary Dueling Memoirs," but Hillary wanted it to be "The Hillary/Billary
Dueling Memoirs." Regarding the current controversy over the archives, a prominent
talking-point disseminator for the Hillary Clinton campaign, Media
Matters.Org, expresses the view that the archives controversy is much ado about nothing
except in the mind of the Darth Vader of the Right, Karl Rove, and thus tacitly and preemptively
implies that if Barack Obama were to criticize Hillary's handling of the "archives" issue
he would simply be acting as a stooge for Rove.
But, due to conflicts between them in their first collaborative effort, Hillary instructed Bill to
have the drafts destroyed back in 2001. However, when those drafts inexplicably reappeared,
the Clinton Liebrary archivist included them in a Clinton Liebrary Book. Even more shocking,
the release by the archivist also includes a video tape of Bill and Hillary dictating their
respective stanzas. (The video can be viewed in either WMV or YouTube/Flash format in a
variety of size/connection-speed configurations using the image links on this page. The best-quality
version in the original WMV format is here--
isn't it better to view it on its creator's advertisement-supported page than to give the traffic to
Since the Clintons wrote the first drafts in the form joint memoirs in poetic stanzas as suggested
by their first prospective publisher, the archivist composed a poetic introduction for the drafts:
At first, for their memoirs, the Clintons were told
that sales would be better if both of them told
their Memoirs in rhyme
in "his" and "her" lines
with nothing exciting remaining untold.
drafts they began in the way they were told
in alternate stanzas not stodgy or cold.
But Hillary quit
and threw quite a fit
'cause Bubba so often went AWOL to troll.
them," did Hillary firmly decree.
However, those "his" and "hers" drafts of their screeds
she thought disappeared
have now reappeared
through magic like records of Rose law-firm fees.
here's what they'd written as first they were told
in alternate stanzas not stodgy or cold:
Their Memoirs in rhyme
in "his" and "her" lines
with Bill's in italics and Hill'ry's in bold:
they begin to read drafts of their memoirs,
remember the year when they drafted these memoirs.
when these drafts were done.
Their publisher called them the "Dueling Memoirs."
Regarding those Presidents, Adams,
the first ones to bear the name Adams,
mistaken by many as John and John Quincy,
were John and his Abigail Adams.
Historian, David McCollough
reviewed John and Abigail's letters,
and said it's self-evident they worked as Co-Presidents,
and also were passionate lovers.
You owed me more power than Abigail
for saving campaigns like a Nightingale
by swallowing pride
to stay by your side when bimbos erupted with spicy-tales
Your'e right that the First-Lady Adams
was first as Co-President Adams,
but Abigail's druthers for John as a lover
meant John had no need for a madam.
Though Abigail Adams was tough,
in sex John did not treat her rough, but you thought it hip to bite on my lips,
and so I said once was enough.
From my point of view it ain't right
to claim you abstained 'cause I bite.
Your claim was a ruse
that forced me to choose to find some Jane Doe's I could bite.
So what if my claim was a ruse!
I simply refused to be used
or practice submission, so you went on missions
for fun with your pants at your shoes.
I never embarked on such mission--
the fun always came to fruition 'cause so many babes
aspired to be slaves
to me as my Alpha Male minions.
My point I will have to repeat:
If you would have just been discreet,
not once would Jim Lehrer have asked on the air
if interns gave sexual treats.
Although you contend I'm a boor, a truth that you cannot ignore:
Had I not behaved
so much as a knave, the POTUS today would be Gore.
You're right, but I hate to admit it!
I'm really quite lucky you did it,
'cause I can beat Gore in Two Thousand Four and be the first POTUS with t_____s
With hist'ry don't be so enthralled
'cause you won't make hist'ry at all!
It's well-known, you see, you simply will be the forty-fourth POTUS with b___s
I'll tell you what's really well-known:
When Flowers made her affair known,
't'was clear right away, if I didn't stay, you'd find your election was blown.
There's one thing you cannot debate
my book will pay more than your rate!
More people will buy my book full of lies, so I'll get twelve million-- not eight.
So what if my book-advance rate
in millions is just a mere eight! I'll get retribution from court distribution
of ev'ry red cent that you make.
You're smart but you don't understand
the A-D-A law of the land
protects the disabled like husbands unable
to get expert treatment for glans.
Of course everyone knows that the Clintons ultimately published separate memoirs.
Hillary's book is titled Living History, and Bill's book is titled "My Life."
She published her book a year before Bill finished his. Everyone remembers being shocked
by Hillary's assertion in her memoirs, Living History, that she remembered feeling
"shocked" when she learned that Bill really did "have sex" with interns.
As is the case with most things involving the Clintons, she gave a poetic explanation as a
"teaser" several days before the official release of her book:
titled my book "Living Hist'ry."
The reason, of course, is no myst'ry.
I'm "living," of course,
and also, per force,
I'm quite a great figure in "hist'ry."
all, the big news of the day
are excerpts of what I did say
about my reaction
to Bubba's retraction
of claiming "no sex" with that babe.
tells of my shock and dismay
when Bubba approached me to say
his statements were not
the truth-- he did not
abstain from an intern a day.
after Hillary published her book, reporters began asking Bill why he hadn't yet completed his book.
His answer was, of course, poetic:
ask what's the cause of my plight
delaying the book I'm to write--
My writing is shot
because I have NOT
had syntax with interns who write.
twelve-million reasons for hype,
my publisher's hoping I'll write
a book not refraining
from chapters explaining
the things that went hump in the night.
tell how I kept my morale
despite "kiss and tell" by my gals.
Although they implied
my penchant to lie,
I always stood up for the gals.
Bill "My Life" Hist'ry is Living With Hyst'ry.
Bubba, whose book ends the mystery
of how I've entitled my history:
My book that's entitled My Life is sub-titled My Life I Spent Living with Hystery.
book on my terms and elections
assures my complete resurrection
as history buff
on hystery buffs
whose monument merits erection.
he appeared on "60 Minutes" to promote the release of his book in June, 2004, he faced
questions not only about his memoirs but also Hillary's memoirs published in June, 2003. And
in answering those questions, he also spoke poetically:
Life, My Wife, My Strife.
memoirs I titled "My Life"
to supplement tales of my strife
as Lord of the Lies
and source of surprise
in memoirs of me by my wife.
memoirs she named "Living Hist'ry"
she claimed like a reader of myst'ries
'twas "shock" that she felt
in learning who knelt
before me to lessen my mis'ry.
course I would never dispute
her claim she went suddenly mute
from shock when my lips
conceded that Tripp,
not I, was the speaker of truth.
showcase my role as a paver
of progress instead of a craver
of pleasure so lawless,
I nixed Bradley/Wallace,
'cause, frankly, with Rather, I'm Safer.
to help 60 Minutes
at top of the ratings to finish
and not bust or bomb,
to soccer-type Moms
they'll tout it as "Bill's Sexy Minutes."
complement Hillary's memoirs
devoted to women-v-men wars,
to no one's surprise
"My Life" will comprise
Part Deux of the Dueling Memoirs.
end of this stanza foregoes
the rhythm a limerick should show.
My book is so groovy
'twill make a cult-movie:
The Clinton Horror Picture Show.
The explanations above (in 2004) are not in the Clinton Liebrary Book,
but it contains many other poetic insights. One example is Bill Clinton's explanation of why
he pardoned Susan McDougal but not his life-long friend, Webster Hubbell. It's best explained
in this video (use video links to the right of this text) in the Archives
at the Clinton Liebrary illustrating the poetic explanation in the Clinton Liebrary Book.
Jim is a proud descendant of 18th Century criminal exiles from England who swam to the Outer Banks when the British ship taking them to a Georgia penal colony sank in a storm near Cape Hatteras. Having the prescience to prevent their descendants from becoming "TarHeels," they immediately migrated to Virginia, where, within just a few generations they worked their way up into poverty. Jim's grandfather was the first in the family tree to see the distant horizons, but his career was cut short by severe injuries he sustained when a cousin cut down the tree.
After a brief stint in the Amry (ours) following graduation from law school, he began his legal career in the state bureaucracy but was never able to break into the federal bureaucracy. Several years later, he entered the private practice of law and co-founded a small law publishing company. Later, finding the publishing of small laws unstimulating and finding his private practice too private to be lucrative, he began writing political satire/commentary. His greatest vice is taking himself too seriously.
Although he regularly teaches Continuing Legal Education courses to lawyers, he's too-often available through he Rubber Chicken Speakers Bureau to speak on politics, satire, etc., at luncheons, dinners, root canals, funerals, etc. His speaking fees are so outrageously high they border on criminal price-gouging, but as a free-market advocate, he defends his fees on the higher moral ground of charging whatever the traffic will bear. For more information (surely more than one would want or need), go to www.PoliSat.Com.