He's very important. The most important person in my life. I'm a disfunctional without Him.
I didn't realize just how important God is to me until I started to lose Him. I'm 100% disfunctional without Him. It's a feeling like I'm totally bad - the worst person in the world - without Him. What draws me close to Him is seeing evil in the world. At times, I would think to myself that maybe God doesn't care. But I can see so clearly that's just evidence that mankind is need of a redeeming Savior. I ended up completely without purpose without Him. Without God, there's no purpose in life.
Having God causes me to weep when I see evil. I mean I can cry and cry. It's good to not go against that. What really started to frighten me is I started to lose that to a certain degree when I would read news stories about bad things. Not that I ever wasn't repulsed, but it was like I had started to become somewhat desensitized. And as I look back, there was a certain part of me that was able to feel more comfortable about myself by reading about somebody else's faults. As I would be able to remind myself I hadn't done anything that bad. I know how much sin can destroy a person. I feel totally restless without God. My idea of heaven on earth would be all by myself, with Christian music playing, praying. Just away from civilization. For me, there was a certain level of fear (at times) about completely surrendering to God, although I did (at times). And it was fear that I wouldn't be able to do what I wanted. But what would help me is focusing on the fact God is perfect, pure, holy and just. So long as I'm in His will, nothing can happen to me that He doesn't allow and intend. And there's no reason to fear anything as long as I'm with God. I'm getting back there.
Mark served honorably for four years on active duty in the Marine Corps infantry, and was a Libertarian endorsed candidate for a municipal office in 2002. He re-enlisted in the ARNG in 2006 because he was depressed/at times SI without the military. He has held the NFA Series 3 license (futures and futures options broker) which he did a voluntary withdrawal on because he couldn't in good conscience sell managed futures since firms would do better to hire an in-house trader to trade a proprietary account with a discount broker, which he outlined in his well-written withdrawal request. Since the year 2000, he has spent much of his free time reading the great minds of the Austrian School of economics, such as Murray Rothbard, Henry Hazlitt, Ludwig von Mises, et al.
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